I haven’t even thought about this blog in the blur that has been the past 2.5 months. It still was a nice feeling every time I got a notification about someone liking a post from earlier this year, or some new subscriber. And welcome! To a blog about me trying my best, basically.

After losing aforementioned job, I kind of dove head first into “flight” mentality of applying and accepting whatever jobs came my way for the sake of our bills. And after having such a good job, it was really hard to think that I had to start again from scratch as a hostess somewhere.

so I gave it some time. Applied at some jobs I thought I would actually enjoy, with decent pay, and even came across some really good opportunities that just…..fell through. Because that’s simply how the cookie crumbles, sometimes. I didn’t want to sit and dwell but finding jobs got harder and dwelling got easier and it almost felt like I was falling back into that place I have been fighting so damn hard to crawl out of.

Almost.

but that shitty place is what I have been running from, my entire life, and if there is anything I learned is that you don’t get battles over and over unless there’s a lesson you’re not learning, something going wrong that won’t let you win. Something keeping you down. And the hardest part is looking in the mirror and accepting that as much as you may be part of the problem, you are also part of the solution.

anyway so I got a couple of different jobs I’m working now, because i have to work somewhere. I have to do something. And the people are nice, the jobs are easy and not far from home. And even though I know it’s temporary, and I know that hard work and God can push me through anything, I also decided to go back to therapy. I want help in ensuring that this time, even though it seems like so many others, I will handle it differently so that my outcome is different too.

tonight I thank the universe, and God or whatever you believe in, for a second chance to get it right.